Birthday Reflection

[Posted originally on LinkedIn, in early March]

I turned 40 last Friday. I feel GREAT about it.

My chipper entry into this new decade was largely influenced by sitting under Sohee Jun, Ph.D.'s amazing mentorship during our collaboration on her new book, The Inner Game. When Sohee was gathering survey responses for her book from the high achieving women in her orbit, one question she asked was, “What advice would you give to your former self, in each decade of your life?” In the final chapter of her book, those wise gems are woven together in a letter to each decade: “Dear Twentysomething.” “Dear Thirtysomething.” On my birthday getaway with hubby this past weekend, I brought Sohee’s book along and read the “Dear Fortysomething” letter out loud. Here are some of my favorite parts:

“For many women, the forties are a time of reinvention. By now, you’ve done some hard work to hone your Inner Game and mindset through your twenties and thirties. You’ve discovered that every new experience is an opportunity for growth, and that frees you to find new versions of yourself… You’re at the top of your game and discovering new levels of confidence, ownership, and advocacy than you ever have before…

This can be a stressful decade [as you juggle career, children, and care for aging parents]… So, on that note: ask for help, both at work and at home. Receiving help is truly the only way you’ll continue to grow as a professional in this stretched-thin season. Delegate to your subordinates. Say yes if a mom-friend or grandparent offers to watch your kids… And speak up if you deserve a raise or promotion so you have the means to set up additional help. Finances are important to prioritize in this decade: continue investing part of your income, meet with a financial advisor, get serious about planning for retirement and college tuition, etc.

… Approach this midlife season with an attitude that continues to seek growth and development. When that growth mindset is paired with the confidence and skills you’ve arrived at in these years, you become unstoppable.

… Some people say this is a time of midlife crisis, but the term “crisis” is highly negative… I prefer to reframe it as a midlife awakening! The deep reflection you naturally engage in this season offers an opportunity for transition that can signify positive growth… You get to determine who you are, who you want to be, and the life you want to choose for yourself. It’s less a crisis and more a rebirth. Stretch yourself!

You are in your prime, so take the big swings. Recognize all the success and progress you’ve made in the past, and then: pass it on. …Share what you’ve learned… Lead by heart and pave the way for others.

You’re doing a good job. Trust yourself; everything is going to be okay!”

No wonder I felt great about turning forty. :)

SO many more gems in Sohee’s book: The Aligned Mindset: Secrets of High-Achieving Women for Navigating Work and Life.