Coping with Heartbreak After a Layoff: A User’s Guide
I just got back from two days alone in a tiny house in the mountains, a stint which was providentially timed to follow the news that I had been laid off by my much-beloved company, Scribe Media. Heading into the weekend, I felt anxious, distracted, sad, and angry. Coming out of the weekend, I feel grounded and much more at peace. Sharing how I processed in case it’s helpful for anyone else. <3
1. VENT: Emotions gotta go somewhere. It was most helpful for me to do my emotional reeling with my husband and close co-workers over the phone. Processing in a larger group can be cathartic and validating, but it can also result in anger taking on critical mass. That fury may be warranted, but I realized that keeping myself in conversations where anger was the prevailing tone wasn’t ultimately helping me move forward. The best thing to do at that point was to remove myself and open my journal.
2. PROCESS: My wisest choice was to make space to comb through the thoughts and emotions related to this ending. I assumed my time in the mountains would simply be focused on determining my next step, but I couldn’t go there mentally until I had purged a bunch of other stuff first. It helped to write out the thoughts that had been ricocheting in my head. It also helped to listen to my body: I found that I was physically exhausted. I went to bed before 9pm both nights and took long naps. Grief and anger needed to work their way through me both mentally and physically.
3. TAKE IN BEAUTY AND WISDOM. I spent the first two days after the layoff glued to my computer, juggling LinkedIn notifications, an unemployment app, job postings, etc. My anxiety was through the roof and I slept badly. It helped enormously to unplug, slow down, and go for walks in beautiful places. I also sought wisdom that could take me beyond my own confusion. I find truth in the Bible and was comforted by words like, “Lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees and make straight paths for your feet… Strive for peace with everyone… [see to it] that no root of bitterness springs up…” And, “Let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken.”
4. MENTALLY “VISIT” RELEVANT PEOPLE. One of the first things I found myself drawn to do was going through my former co-workers and company leaders by name. For the leaders, I wrote down questions I wish I could have asked them and expressed frustration and sorrow. For my co-workers, I wrote down my hopes for them and prayed they would be blessed. Scribe’s layoff announcement was sudden and didn’t allow time for goodbyes, so this helped me achieve some important closure.
5. GRIEVE. I also had to just cry. I described my sense of loss as fully as I could. For me, Scribe had been more than a paycheck. It had been an avenue of purpose, a calling. I even realized it felt somehow bound up in my experience mothering my youngest daughter, since I had sought out the job to be more present with my children. I had been trying to minimize my grief, thinking that I should move on easily because it was “just” a job. But actually, it meant more than that to me—and it was okay and appropriate to acknowledge grief.
6. FORGIVE. I had tried anger and bitterness and found them exhausting. Forgiveness made things lighter. I realized that the people I felt most hurt by were probably in a world of hurt as well: they were either experiencing humiliation and loss, or were functioning in a state of stress, anxiety, and fear. It occurred to me that they are likely to experience the painful justice of their decisions and I didn’t need to waste any more energy on my own sense of being wronged. In fact, I could think of them with compassion.
7. RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN ICK. When I turned my gaze of criticism on myself, I found plenty of my own issues: self-righteousness, distraction, mean-spiritedness, pride, assuming the worst of others. Facing my own flaws helped me remember that none of us are perfect, and that made it easier to extend grace to the people responsible for Scribe’s fall.
8. RECALIBRATE. Finally, I was ready to think of next steps. What do I want my life to be about? How do I want to use my skills, and in what context? The opportunity to ask these questions presented itself as a surprising gift. I prayed through a number of ideas and got clarity to set some potential ventures aside and engage others.
9. REMEMBER WHO YOU LOVE. It was healing and restorative to think through each member of my family—not just because they bring me joy, but because my purpose goes so far beyond how I make a paycheck. The truest, best part of my humanity comes out in the context of these loved ones. I like the thought that navigating a layoff, in some ways, makes me a stronger and wiser mama; a more present spouse; a more engaged presence in my family.
10. GIVE THANKS. The final closure I needed with Scribe came when I prompted myself to list all the ways I could be thankful for my time there: the ways I grew as a writer, the leadership I was invited to take on, the level at which Scribe taught me to value myself. I learned SO MUCH from my authors—ways to recover from trauma, practicing holistic health, faith transformation, financial literacy, buying a home, great leadership practices, entrepreneurial excellence—the list goes on and on. Scribe paid for me to travel to new places and connected me with people I now consider dear friends.
In wrapping up on that final note, a voice in my head said, “Bless it. Give thanks for it. Now, let it go.”
I do and I have. Wishing the rest of you closure, peace, gratitude, and an amazing next step.
